Wolves

This was the title of the mini-devotional that Todd and I read after dinner this evening and it really hit home with me so I wanted to share part of it with you all-whoever you are!
This is an excerpt from "Today", a daily devotional that the Christian Reformed Church puts out each month.

"Elizabeth Berg in the novel The Year of Pleasure tells
about a Navajo grandfather who says to his grandson: 'Two wolves live inside
me. One is the bad wolf, full of greed and laziness, full of anger and
jealousy and regret. The other is the good wolf, full of joy and
compassion and willingness and a great love for the world. All the time these wolves are fighting inside me.'
'But grandfather,' the boy said, 'which wolf will win?'
The grandfather answered, 'The one I feed.'
The story is a good one, yet it is incomplete. It assumes that the self who chooses whether to feed the good wolf or the bad wolf is untainted
in its judgements. But, of course, it isn't. The ways of the good
and bad wolves infect the very core of our being. We rationalize and
justify our sins all the time; we're masters at putting a good face on the evil
we do."

I can so relate to this idea of the two wolves. Daily, sometimes even hourly, I struggle with contentment and greed. I want to have the perfect house, cute clothes and, of course, the size 2 figure that makes them all so cute. I have been feeling very convicted of this lately, yet conviction has not really led to action. I find that when I am going throughout my day, I'll stop and watch tv for a little while and I was always turn on HGTV and see these huge houses perfectly decorated and it makes me covet. I see all these beautiful, skinny girls in the magazines I read and it makes me jealous. I am feeding the bad wolf. I do not spend enough time studying my Bible or praying. The good wolf in me is about to starve. Now, as my dad used to say, "SO WHAT?"- meaning, "so what are you going to do about it?" That's the hard part since I seem to have so much trouble with converting conviction into action. There is the obvious: spend more time in prayer and studying the Word. It's so obvious that sometimes I think there must be another answer. I must have to do something else, something life-altering. But that's just it, prayer IS life-altering. It changes the way I feel, it changes my outlook on the day, it reminds me that being a size 2 and having a cute house will not bring me the same fulfillment that I get when I am in communion with my Savior. And then, little by little, the good wolf begins to gain strength and joy and contentment start to become more prominent than jealousy and greed. It is a daily struggle for me to remember which wolf to feed...